World first!

Stay tuned: here I will start a new revolution called ‘LTVlogging’, which stands for ‘Live TV Logging’! It’s like sitting in front of TV except for that you’re sitting in front of the computer. Entries are descending order (earliest entry down). Refresh often. Or come back. Whatever. Who cares.

7:55 PM: Doctor Who just finished! CBC has big banners anouncing the movie for today: it’s Attack of the Clones. Yay!

7:56 PM: My favourite commercial is up!

7:57 PM: ‘Summer Fun!’ (KFC commercial). Some woman yelling picknick.

8:00 PM: Scrolling starts! Yellow text Episode II. It goes too fast, so… uh… ‘There is unrest in the Galactic Senate etc, etc.’

8:02 PM: Senator Padme’s craft is landing. Great Landing!!

8:03 PM: Giant explosion!!!! It exploded. The Senator is not dead… Padme was in disguise!!!!

8:06 PM: ‘Imposible to see the future is’, says Yoda when asked by (what’s his name again?).

8:07 PM: Padme is going to be protected by the Jedi: Kenobi and Anakin. Jar-Jar welcomes them. Padme smiles at Anakin and says the famous words “My goodness you’ve grown”.

8:10 PM: Kenobi warns Anakin not to jump into conclusions and that have to follow the orders of the Council by protecting Padme. Anakin seems to be impatient.

Anakin tells Jar-Jar about how he cares about Padme. Kenobi spoils the fun by saying that he has to be careful with his emotions. Duh!

8:12 PM: We see a scene with the killers.. something about ‘poisonous’. And ‘No mistakes this time!’. Why are they after Padme??

Anakin is up to something: he’s going to use Padme as the bait. Kenobi doesn’t appear to like it.

Anakin looks tired: he says he’s dreaming about his mother. He prefers dreaming about Padme. Kenobi warns him again about Padme and his feelings.

8:15 PM: R2D2 was sleeping whole a probe enters the Senator’s bedroom. It dropped something: centipedes!

Anakin felt them and killed them. Kenobi jumped outside and appears to be in a ruffle with the probe.

Uhoh! Don’t watch kids.

8:18 PM: Some drummachine making noise… And some jumping around. Effects. Kenobi is caught by Anakin. Right in time!

8:19 PM: Yeah right. Kenobi doesn’t sound grateful. You rule Anakin!!!!111

8:20 PM: Some more flying. Oh wait, they’re following somebody who doesn’t want to be followed. Or something. More CGI.

8:21 PM: Us watchers know the one they’re after is a female. Anakin doesn’t, naturally. They’ve lost him.

Anakin jumps out… He’s the hero I gather that one out. Harhar.

Commercial break.

8:24 PM: She shoots at Anakin who’s hanging on to the craft!

Anakin lost his lightsaber. Grabs the laser gun. Shot the engine… Uh oh.

He falls. She’s still in the craft: it crashes. She jumps out. Anakin right after her.

Kenobi is watching from his yellow submarine. He’s late!

Some neon club that looks like CGI too. She went in the club. Kenobi says to use the force and that Anakin has to use his brains.

Anakin compares Kenobi to his dad!!!

Anakin already knows the he is a she and is a ‘changeling’. Or something. I missed that one.

Kenobi shows off his 1337 Jedi skills.

Anakin is looking around. Uh oh… the assasin is there. Aiming the gun at Kenobi. Kenobi cuts her arm??

8:28 PM: They question who hired her. Oh. She got killed. Her face changes. Yuck. She looks like a lizzard from ‘V’.

8:29 PM: The council orders Anakin and Kenobi to find out who ordered to kill Padme. Anakin is ordered to talk to Palpatine. Anakin has been guided by Palpatine apparently: he’s happy he has to guard Padme.

Palpatine does some’bootlicking’ with Anakin. Ouch!

Kenobi is worried about the assignement for Anakin. He has too much to learn and thinks Anakin is arrogant.

Anakin might bring balance to the force (according to the prophecy, says Mace.

Scene with Padme and Jar-Jar. Padme tells Anakin that she doesn’t like hiding out. Anakin teaches her what he learnt at the Jedi.

Anakin lauds Kenobi, but says he’s ahead of him and is ready for the trials. Anakin is getting frustrated. Bad acting ahead.

Natalie Portman keeps it cool and tells Hayden not to grow up too fast. He’s after her, I think.

8:35 PM: I need a drink.

8:37 PM: Padme is in a train or something. She’s going to leave the capital. Kenobi talks to Anakin and orders him to listen to the Council.

Anakin stays with Amadala andR2D2. Dude.

They leave the planet.

Kenobi is asking around. He’s in a restaurant or something talking to Dex? They greet and hug.

Kenobi shows Dex something. It belows to the Cloners, says Dex. The Jedi never seen it before, suggests Kenobi.

Dex tells about the Cloners. Are they friends, Kenobi asks. Depends on the pocketbook, says Dex.

Kenobi is in the Jedia Library. He’s looking for a system called Calina (sp). Nothing on the maps (naturally).

8:42 PM: Anakin and Padme are at a table on a big ship or something. Padme asks if Anakin is allowed to ‘love’.

Anakin tells about what Jedi are allowed. Padme says he changed a lot.

Anakin tells she never changed. Ouch!

8:44 PM: Yoda teaches the younglings. Kenoba looks for a planet and asks Yoda.

Yoda starts the virtual map. Hey Google watch this!

Kenobi points in the air. Yoda says something about the void. How can this be?

‘Somebody erased it from the archives’, says kiddo.

Yoda orders Kenobi to go to the center of the galaxy: who wants to delete data from the archive, they discuss.

Only a Jedi could have done this.

8:45 PM: Padme and uh, Anakin finally land. Now she explains about how she became queen.

Anakin keeps complimenting her. He’s after something!

Padme talking to the queen. About the Senate and trade stuff federation.

The queen prefers to have faith in the Republic.

Uh-oh: Anakin doesn’t like the fact that Padme takes charge. She called him a paduan (sp), not a master. That must hurt!!

8:51 PM: Kenobi has arrived in space. A planet. Kalina?

He lands in the rain.

A cloner meets with him. He was expected by the prime minister.

They make acquintances. Kenobi is invited to sit down. They are on schedule he says. Kenobi has no idea what he’s talking about.

Apparently some Jedi Master ordered the army and he was killed 10 years ago. The finest army has been created! Kenobi asks what the army is for, it’s for the Republic. He’s been asked to check the army.

Pan out to Padme and Anakin. Pretty environment.

8:55 PM: Some nonsense conversation between Padme and Anakin. He’s staring at her.

(romantic music and a kiss! Noooooooooooooo)

Back to Kenobi. He’s checking the army of Clones. Pictures of clones. They all look the same. The original host was Yango Fett.

Kenobi asks to meet with Fett. Looking at the clone army right now.

8:59 PM: Padme and Anakin are in the grass. She’s telling about her first love.

Anakin makes her laugh. Swoon. Anakin tells about what he believes in politics. Something simple: Padme says it sounds like a dictatorship. They run around between some kind of animals. Oh what fun. This hurts, George Lucas, this hurts.

Back to Kenobi: he’s meeting up with Yango Fett. Boba is still a kid here. They meet. Kenobi plays along. Yango sends his son out. Yango tells by who he was hired. Weird conversation.

Young Boba is told to pack his bags. They’re leaving.

9:06 PM: Padme and Anakin have diner together. He shows off some elite skills.

They sit in front of a fireplace. Anakin tells about his (yawn) feelings for her. He’s hurting himself. Bad acting again.

9:08 PM: She tells him to grow up. Smart girl! She’s asking him to be rational. LOL. They can keep it a secret, he says.

Back to Kenobi. Kenobi goes back to his ship. R4 is holocasting to the Council. Kenobi tells them what he’s found out. The clone army and that. Yoda says to get Fett. Yoda sounds worried about the clone army. Talks about the Dark lord of the Sith.

Anakin has a nightmare. Next morning he’s standing outside. Amadala there too: she’s worried about his nightmares. He says he saw his mother. She’s suffering. He asks if he can leave his mandate to help his mom. He has no choice.

Kenobi is after Fett. Shoot. Hack. Miss! Kenobi gets his sword. The little kid is in the craft, shooitning at Kenobi. Kick! Kick Ouch. SPLAT! Ouch. Uh. Help? They fight. Kenobi kicks Fett off the platform. They hang on a rope tied together. Kenobi falls. Manages to hang on. Fett tries to crawl back to plain. Kenobi finds a shortcut. He throws a probe on the spacecraft. Mission accomplished!

9:21 PM: Padme and Anakin land on Tatooine. They stop in front of a house. They talk to that little lizard. Weird noises. Supposed to be funny. Anakin says he’s looking for Schmi Skywalker. Now lizard recognizes Anakin. He says he sold her. Anakin asks if he knows where she lives.

Kenobi is following Fett and kid to Saturn (oh wait). Kenobi is detected by the Fetts. Must have been a homing device, daddy says. They fight once again!! A torpedo is fired at Kenobi. Woops. Big explosion. Tunnel race! CGI. Blast. Fett’s behind Kenobi now. This is not good. He’s hit! More rockets! BOOOM. Missed Kenobi, but the Fetts think he’s dead.

Fett is landing on some kind of desolate planet. Kenobi goes there too. He sees federation ships. A lot! Oh-uh. He steps out. How can he breath here??

Back to Padme and Anakin: they walk on the surface. Some kind of place. C3PO is there. Anakin says he’s looking for his mom. Beru! Stepbrother they are. He meets with his ‘stepdad’. He tells what happened: the Sandpeople took her a month ago. He’s going to find his mother. She’s dad they say. Ouch. There comes Amadala: she has to stay.

Genocide Anakin Rides his Bike. CGI. It’s almost ten: we’re close to the end!!

9:36 PM: Kenobi walks into an entrance. A big cave or something. Scary noises! It’s like big building: noises down below. It’s a plant! Making robots. Fake staircase. Hey, there’s Dooku! Kenobi follows them. He looks down to them. There’s some talk about the army, treaties and the trade federation. They aim to overwhelm the Jedi.

Anakin is at the Sand people camp. He’s looking around. Opening a tent.There is his Mom! He unties her. She looks rather young to be his mom. He grew quite a bit!! Har-Har. Bad acting ahead. She dies in his arms. NoooooooooO. Revenge! Music. Evil eyes. And he’s killing. Yoda feels something.

Back to the Jedi council. Mace looks at Yoda. What is it? Pain and suffering and death, Yoda feels. Young Skywalker is in Pain!

Kenobi is working on his plane. It doesn’t work. He’s going to try to send a message to Anakin. He’s not on Naboo he says. Kenobi is noticed by a robot. Kenobi finds out ANakin is on Tatooine.

R2 trying to fix Kenobi’s message. Anakin returns to his stepbrother’s home. With Mom’s body. He looks angry. Padme brings him something. Anakin is fixing things. He couldn’t save his mom. Bla-bla. Padme vs. Anakin, who wins? Anakin blames Kenobi. Anakin says he killed them all. Hahahaha. Oh wait. This is not supposed to be funny.

No break yet? I’m thirsty!!!!

9:46 PM: Break!

9:50 PM: Shot: back at Tatooine. Burying the mother. Anakin blames himself ones again. Meh. He says he’s going to fill the gap. R2 is back: he says there’s a message from Kenobi. They read the message and relay it to the Council. Hey, all of the Council is there. OHHHH. Kenobi is caught!!!

9:52 PM: Anakin is ordered to stay there, to protect Amadala. Amadala says that they’re closer. Anakin doesn’t care about Kenobi. Amadala is going to help Obi-Wan. Anakin smiles.

The Senate talks to Palpatine about the Clone army.

Dooku and Kenobi talk. Kenobi is hanging in his cell. Dooku promises to set Kenobi free but wants to have answers first. Dooku talks about the corruption in the Senate and the truth. Dooku says the Senate is under control of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious. Kenobi doesn’t believe him. Dooku urges Kenobi to join him. Guess what? Deal over!

Senate is talking. Jar-Jar is talking and proposing to give power to the Supreme Councellor. Everybody applauds. Palpatine says he’s reluctant, yeah right. His first act is to create a great army of the republic. Master Mace is worried and says he’ll take Jedi to help Kenobi.

10:00 PM: News break. Movie will return shortly.

10:15 PM: Padme and Anakin are there and land the craft. The gate opens automatically. R2 is going outside. Idiot!

Padme and Anakin are being watched by things in the wall. They run! Padme falls on a conveyor belt. ANakin is fight. Hey this is just like the game!! (Jumping and crawling ensues)

Some supposedly funny interlude with the robots happens. Not funny George.

In the mean time Anakin is showcasing his light saber. Amadala fell in something. Ouch. Anakin is stuck now. Uh Oh. Things look bad… Hey: there’s R2 saving the day! Anakin is still in problems: light saber is not working. Amadala and Anakin taken prisoner.

Big arena. Padme and Anakin on a carriage. They talk about death. And love!! snicker.

10:23 PM: Carriage is dragged into the arena. Crowd cheers. There’s Kenobi, tied to a pillar. Anakin and Amadaly are tied too. Kenobi (predictably) says something funny about the ‘resue’.

10:29 PM: Back. Dooku arrives at arena. Executions begin. Giant monsters approach the heroes! Bad feeling about this, says Anakin. Amadala is loose! Kenobi is fight the spider. They’re all loose now. Padme is hurt! Kenobi is rolling! Anakin is pretending to play rodeo. Padme killed one of the animals. Uh, no. It’s just hurt. Kenobi got a weapon. Anakin is taming his animal. Kenobi vs. Spider who wins?

Anakin tamed the animal. Padme jumps on Anakin’s animal. Kenobi hit the spider. And jumps on Anakin’s beast. Dooku gets the things out. THey’re outgunned. There’s Mace Windu!
JEDI!!!!

Dooku talks to Windu. Uh Oh. And the fight begins. Robots vs. Jedi! Hack. Slash. Dot.

Windu vs. Fett. Fett is grabbed by giant animal, but kills the thing. Windu attacks and kills Fett. Bobba Fett is watchin his dad die.

Some not- funny parts with the robots.

10:38 PM: Kenobi kills the spider finally. C3PO is stuck in a rut. R2 helps out. The Jedi are cornered. Too many robots. Dooku sees and orders a standstill. The jedis are surrounded. Dooku talks how courages they are but it’s over: Surrender or die. The last fight begins. Wait: it’s Yoda with the clone army!

10:40 PM: More of the same fighting ensues. Yoda lands. Picks up the rest of the Jedi. Dooku flees. Bobba “the kid” Fett cries.

10:46 PM: Yoda talks about Dooku escaping. They’re under fire. But so are the enemies! Windu orders their craft to land. Yoda goes to command center. Clones vs. Droids. Same-O-Same. CGI. Boom. Etc. Yoda has landed.

Fight doesn’t look good for droids. Dooku and friends retreat. Dooku takes the design of the star destroyer with him for his master. Dooku flies on his bike. Yoda orders to fire on the nearest star ship, which crashes and explodes. It worked.

After Dooku they go, Kenobi and Anakin. Kenobi says they can handle Dooku and follow suit. Padme falls off craft. Anakin wants to jump down with Padme. Kenobi orders him to stay. Yoda feels this and orders to bring a ship to him.

Kenobi and Anakin face Dooku. Anakin goes frontal like madness but is hit by lightning. Stupid. Kenobi is on his own. They fight! Dooku taunts Kenobi. Kenobi is hit! Dooku is going to finish him. Anakin jumps in between. Kenobi throws his lightsaber towards Anakin. They fight! Anakin loses an arm. Kenobi and Anakin both lie on the ground. Losers.

11:00 PM: Yoda enters. Dooku vs. Yoda. Who wins?

Force fight!

Lightning fight.

Saber fight!

Green vs. Red. WOW!

Yoda is called to help Kenobi and Anakin. Dooku escapes. Padme arrives. TOO late. Anakin is in pain: Yoda is checking out. Padme too.

Dooku arrives at a planet and lands his ship. He meets with Darth Sidious. The war has begun and everything goes as planned apparently.

Windu, Kenobi and Yoda talk about lies and the senate. Yoda says there was not a victory: the shroud of the Dark Side has fallen. The Clone wars have started.

Clone armies march on watched by members of Senate, Palpatine.

Padme and Anakin marry. Cliche music.

The end.